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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091094">since i met you, i've become a new person</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ansutazu/pseuds/ansutazu'>ansutazu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, idk how to tag this like, it's romance but lowkey, lapslock, the death is not like explicit explicit it doesn't rlly mention it but it's kagepro and ayano iykyk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:20:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091094</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ansutazu/pseuds/ansutazu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>there's a feeling that ayano can't shake off. // shinaya one-shot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kisaragi Shintaro &amp; Tateyama Ayano, Kisaragi Shintaro/Tateyama Ayano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>since i met you, i've become a new person</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">there isn’t anything special about her morning routine. she gets up to sun greeting her through the window, dresses herself in her school uniform, completes her ensemble with her signature hair clips and scarf, and stumbles down into the kitchen where she prepares her siblings’ lunches for the day. if her father’s gone by then, she’ll get to making their breakfast next, but today, he greets her in the kitchen, scratching his head at what to do. he tries to emulate their late mother’s cooking, but it’s always just a tad bit off; still, he tries, and it’s the thought that counts.</p><p class="p1">today, she’s got a song stuck in her head. she’s no musician — really, she couldn’t even begin to understand a thing about music, although she tries — but the song has an interesting instrumental. it pushes and pulls the listener, going one place only to turn to another, but somehow the unexpected twist makes it better. the vocals are hauntingly beautiful; there’s clearly an emotion expressed in each word that even from hearing it for the first time, she understands the longing, the feelings, the message. the lyrics remind her of spring when the cherry blossoms fall, of the desire to be with someone, and perhaps herself —</p><p class="p1">“you’re humming the same song again,” kenjirou says, turning his attention from the fried eggs on the stove to his daughter. he raises an eyebrow. “is it <em>that </em>good?”</p><p class="p1">“yeah, it is!” she replies with a smile. she never realized she’d been humming it, but perhaps listening to only this song for days now makes it easy to unconsciously do that. “shintaro showed it to me. he has a really good taste in music.”</p><p class="p1">“shintaro.” her father shows off a very visible pout. “so you’re still friends with him.”</p><p class="p1">ayano tilts her head. “is it a bad thing?”</p><p class="p1">“um. well…” kenjirou clears his throat. “you two seem…very <em>close</em>.”</p><p class="p1">she blinks. silently, she doesn’t believe that that’s the case; does she <em>really </em>know shintaro? she knows his birthday, that he’s really smart, that he has a rabbit, that he likes soda a little too much, that he’s stubborn, that he doesn’t show much on his face, that…alright, she knows all of <em>that</em>, but it’s they’ve never been…<em>honest </em>with each other. they’ve never shown another side of themselves that’s deep, deep down. <em>that’s </em>when she’d call them close, but of course…</p><p class="p1">(<em>but why do i wish we </em>would <em>get closer? it’s not like it’s my place to think that. it’s a selfish thought.</em>)</p><p class="p1">it seems like there’s a lot on kenjirou’s mind, and he awkwardly breaks their silence. “ayano, i love you <em>very </em>much, which is why, as your father, i would <em>like </em>to know if you have a…a <em>boyfriend </em>— ”</p><p class="p1">“dad!” her surprise almost makes her drop kousuke’s lunch, and the raised volume in her own voice startles her fully awake. “he’s not <em>that</em>. we’re friends. <em>friends</em>.”</p><p class="p1">“i’m just saying, it just <em>seems </em>like it, but if you’re ‘just friends’, then i’ll believe you.” he shrugs before panicking to flip the eggs, fighting back with the oil splashing at him.</p><p class="p1">ayano goes back to what she was doing, although the pounding of her heart distracted her from thinking back to the song. it would have been a welcomed change to the ear worm had it not been for what <em>caused </em>such palpitations. there was a fluttering feeling in her stomach to accompany them which causes her breakfast to go down in a rather unpleasant way.</p><p class="p1">why does the word sound so nice though? <em>why </em>does she find herself…<em>hoping </em>to get to use that word someday? and not just with anyone, but shintaro…this isn’t like her at all. she felt like a totally different person; she felt like she was reborn.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">there’s a flower shop she always passes by when walking to school, and for some reason, she feels the need to stop and stare. they’re as beautiful as always — the sunflowers bright and welcoming, the lilies mysterious yet mesmerizing, the tulips reminding her of her childhood…but of course, the roses steal the show, especially the red ones.</p><p class="p1">“are you just gonna stand there and be late for school?”</p><p class="p1">ayano jumps, but when she turns around she finds the all-too-familiar face to that all-too-familiar voice. her smile is immediate, a reflex that happens without hesitation. “shintaro! haha, i guess you caught up to me sooner than usual…but they’re pretty, aren’t they?”</p><p class="p1">shintaro’s eyes wander over to the flowers, and for some reason, it invites the pink to rush to ayano’s cheeks. one could play it off as overheating, what with her scarf making it impossibly warm at all times, or perhaps the incoming breeze that signals the beginning of fall — but truthfully, it could also be a blush of pure embarrassment, of a feeling in her heart that seems to persist past her morning. she adjusts her scarf to make it a little less obvious, because she really can’t control it. it’s a little scary.</p><p class="p1">“i think my sister would like the sunflowers,” shintaro says after a lengthy pause. “maybe i’ll get some going back home.”</p><p class="p1">“that’s really nice of you.” the comment slips out of ayano’s mouth without a thought, and shintaro looks back at her without betraying much of what he was thinking. quickly, she continues, “maybe i’ll get some for tsubomi as well!”</p><p class="p1">there isn’t much else to say, and they sensed it, because they silently began walking side-by-side, as per usual, to their school. it <em>should </em>be just like normal — being by shintaro’s side is nothing but a familiar feeling to ayano — but she can’t help but just…think. although the color on her face has (thankfully) faded away, the feeling that incited it still lingers. it’s the feeling that shintaro is right beside her; it’s the feeling of his presence, that he’s just <em>there</em>. it makes her all the more self-conscious.</p><p class="p1">they eventually get to the main road where their middle school is, and with that comes the sighting of more people in the same uniform as them. she sees the familiar faces of people she’s been in class with for three years; she wonders if she’ll see them <em>if </em>she gets to graduate and <em>if </em>she gets into the high school her father goes to.</p><p class="p1">but for some reason, they pale in comparison the shintaro. she’ll definitely miss most of them once they move on from their school, but <em>him</em>…he’s made no decision on his high school yet. of course, why would he say a thing for her? she could ask him, but…that felt like an intrusion of privacy.</p><p class="p1"><em>why does it matter anyway? </em>the question surprises her, even if it’s in her own head. sure, since they’ve met, she’s talked to him more than others, spent more lunches with him, walked alongside him…they’ve spent time together, so it would make sense, right? but she can’t help but feel that there’s more to it, and that stupefies her.</p><p class="p1">and throughout all that, her heart still races. maybe she’s getting sick or something.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">“it feels like the last good day of summer,” ayano muses, staring outside the window right next to her desk. “after that, it’ll be fall, and we’ll change to our winter uniforms. time flies, huh?”</p><p class="p1">“it only flies because you’re so care-free,” shintaro says. “so how’d you do on that last test?”</p><p class="p1">ayano smiles, holding up the test in front of him. “exactly seventy percent! i couldn’t have done it without your help, shintaro, so thank you. i’m definitely getting better!”</p><p class="p1">she swears that the edges of his lips twitched, perhaps to offer some sort of grin in return, but nothing shows up. he just shrugs, leaning back on his chair with his arms crossed. “it’s not <em>great</em>, but it’s a start, i guess.”</p><p class="p1">such praise made her <em>happy</em> — they were simple words, but the effects were enormous. but although she found it satisfying, the girl in front of her turns around, an eyebrow raised at ayano’s enthusiasm. her eyes go to shintaro. “you could <em>try </em>to be a little more excited. tateyama’s been doing such a great job. seriously, is your ego <em>that </em>big that even now, you still think lowly of her?”</p><p class="p1">this makes ayano’s heart sink quickly. “no, it’s okay — ”</p><p class="p1">“you think you know so much about what goes on between us?” shintaro stares right back at the girl. “or are you jumping to conclusions with just a few sentences? if i <em>did </em>think lowly of her — which i <em>don’t</em>, by the way — then why would i help in the first place?”</p><p class="p1">the girl huffs before she turns back around, and ayano looks back at shintaro. his eyes go to her, and for a split second, she sees some sort of sincerity before it disappears. but before he can say anything, their teacher ends their break, and his attention snaps back to the board, although after a few seconds, he’ll probably tune out, because he already understands what’s being taught today.</p><p class="p1">ayano <em>should </em>pay attention, but her mind wanders to shintaro’s words. ‘if i <em>did </em>this lowly of her — which i <em>don’t</em>’…there’s a sigh of relief that exists her mouth, but its stifled by her scarf. to be honest, even if he thought the opposite, she wouldn’t be so surprised; academically, she isn’t as good at him. she would truthfully understand if he doesn’t think much of her in that way.</p><p class="p1">but the words ‘between us’ haunt her thoughts. what <em>is </em>going on between them? they’re friends, although in any other world it would be more than unlikely. but all this time having passed…it seems so <em>normal</em>. it’s her usual life.</p><p class="p1">but is there something else? <em>why </em>does she hope that there’s something else? it feels a little too greedy to ask about it, to pry about what <em>could </em>be…but her heart tugs her in that direction. it’s seriously confusing.</p><p class="p1">she looks outside again, and the window gives a vague reflection of her against the blue sky. it’s faint, but she’s there. and yet, despite seeing her familiar face, it doesn’t seem like her at all.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">they actually went back to the flower shop right as the sun begins its usual descent. thank god it was still open — ayano was part of their class’ cleaning duties for the day, and in true ayano fashion, had accidentally dumped the dirty water they were using for their rags on the floor. she familiar with such an error — there’s a one in five chance she does the same thing at home when she’s cleaning the house — and she was able to clean it up immediately, but it still set her back quite a bit. surprisingly, shintaro had waited at the entrance of the school for her. he said that he needed some insight on how <em>many </em>flowers to get his little sister, to which she happily obliged to help out.</p><p class="p1">“they’re pretty big,” ayano says, gesturing to the sunflowers he’d pointed out in the morning. “i’d say two would fit nicely in a regular vase.”</p><p class="p1">she buys white lilies for her own little sister, grinning widely once she gets them. but as shintaro’s paying for his sister’s flowers, her eyes wander back to the red roses she’d seen, staring at them with intense focus that it’s a little questionable.</p><p class="p1">shintaro picks up on it too, and he hesitates at first. but he figures why not, and he turns back to the clerk, says something in a hushed voice, and the clerk goes over to the red roses, picking up one and giving it to shintaro. ayano’s eyes follow that singular rose, and as he holds it, she felt a sort of longing in her chest that she tries to shoo away.</p><p class="p1">“for your mom?” she asks.</p><p class="p1">“no.” shintaro’s answer makes makes ayano’s head tilt to the side. who could it be for, then? an additional one for his sister? he seems to hesitate for a second, looking at the rose, before he takes it and holds it out to ayano. “for you?”</p><p class="p1">“f — for me?” once again, the pink blush returns. he nods, and she gently takes it. she wonders for a second if this was all a dream, but the undeniable sweat the warm scarf was giving her says otherwise. “thank you, but…what for?”</p><p class="p1">“for, um…helping me pick out my sister’s stuff.” he stammers, pointing to the sunflowers in his hand. “and…um…that’s it.”</p><p class="p1">“ah.” there’s a part of her that wishes there was more to his explanation, but she’s still happy with the reasoning he <em>did </em>give out. “you know, they’re my favorite.”</p><p class="p1">“really?” <em>she’s </em>surprised at <em>his </em>surprise, but he gets rid of that tone in his voice immediately. “that’s good then.”</p><p class="p1">with that, they walk back home, and ayano finds herself thinking so much about that singular red rose. it’s a common flower with a common meaning, especially around valentine’s day…it’s very much a symbol of love, and the word almost makes her stop in her tracks.</p><p class="p1">love. it rolls off the tongue quite easily. it makes her heart want to explode. it somehow makes everything make <em>sense</em>.</p><p class="p1">
  <em>maybe, just maybe…</em>
</p><p class="p1">it can’t be…but there’s no doubt about it. the unfamiliar feeling meets its meaning with just a single word. this would be her first. this would be something so unbelievably new.</p><p class="p1">it feels almost impossible to even think about nurturing it, to think about being hopeful…but she can’t help it. maybe not now in this lifetime, but perhaps…maybe…someday…</p><p class="p1">she spies a reflection of herself at a shop’s window, and her smile is unlike any other in her history. it feels like seeing herself for the first time after this sort of awakening.</p>
<hr/><p class="p1">“…but truthfully, even after that, it felt like i should have known all along,” ayano says with a shrug. “i was in the middle before i’d even known i had begun to fall in love.”</p><p class="p1">“it’s like that,” azami replies. “but did you ever act on it?”</p><p class="p1">“how could i? i mean, here i am now…”</p><p class="p1">“that’s unfortunate.”</p><p class="p1">“but…to know the feeling was there is amazing in itself. i’m grateful for that.”</p><p class="p1">“so what will you do now?”</p><p class="p1">“well…” ayano smiles. “i’ve got a power that’ll help me relay that feeling when he comes. i don’t know what’ll happen next, but i’ll be happy knowing that i was finally honest.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it's the rebirth by red velvet vibes but fallin flower by seventeen reference for me<br/>umm......just felt like writing this :)<br/>also peep that pride and prejudice quote bc i still think about that book and movie like wowowow</p></blockquote></div></div>
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